20 Questions To Answer Before Getting Married

A Couple on their wedding day

Many couples feel the pressure to get married after dating for a long time, others simply want to get married because the time is right.
However, there are questions one must ask themselves before they walk down the aisle.
1. Is for better or worse making me better or worse?

Does your partner encourage you to be your best self, or does he or she get intimidated by any triumphs and feel more secure when you’re not putting your best foot forward?
2. Do we really accept one another?
There will always be things you want to change about the people in your life, but no one should be in a situation where they feel they aren’t allowed to be authentic and accepted as the unique, special (yet flawed) person they are.
3. Who am I?
How can you know if your partner is a good match if you have no idea who you are?
4. Am I happy to be in this relationship?
The idea of sharing a life together is not to find someone to complete you or make you happy.
But let’s face it: being unhappy at home can seep into other areas of your life . . . and fast.
If you’re always fighting or just generally not feeling great about your twosome, it doesn’t mean you have to bail out (counseling might be a good option) but marrying someone in the hope that it changes things is a bad, bad idea.
5. Am I feeling trapped?
Do you really want to be in this relationship the majority of the time or do you find yourself wishing for a way out?
Do you stay because you’ve invested time or are you really invested in your mate?
6. What am I doing to hold us back?
Maybe you could be more attentive, more thoughtful, quicker to let things go, or the first to bring up going to counseling.
Whatever it is, take this as your sign to step up.
7. Is this relationship balanced?
Do you feel you’re both on the same page in terms of compromise, care, support and sacrifice?
Or is one of you doing most of the giving while the other just sits with their hand out?
8. Can we have fun together?
Have you ever seen two people sit across from one another in silence at brunch as though they are being forced to walk through their day together? Not. fun.
9. Can we have fun apart?
Co-dependency ain’t cute, y’all.
10. Why am I in this relationship?
Is it because you respect, love, trust, and value the person you are with?
Or because you’re afraid of being alone, worried about finances, or have built a life you’re scared to leave?
11. Where is this going?
Living in the “now” is great, but eventually the partnership will need a plan or someone will begin to feel anxious.
12. Do I really trust my partner?
For some, the immediate response to this can be devastating.
If you’re one of them, it’s time to ask why and how you can begin to build or rebuild trust. Without it, there’s no chance.
13. Am I with a good person?
Knowing what you know about your partner today, would you vouch for them if they were a friend?
14. Am I attracted to my partner?
Physical attraction is hardly the most important component in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone who you’re not attracted to — just because it’s comfortable or “perfect on paper” isn’t fair to anyone. You will feel resentful and they will feel rejected.
15. Am I a parent or a partner?
Taking care of someone you love is a great thing to do, but when you feel like you’re raising a boyfriend — or worse, a husband — things get a little complicated.
You’ll resent his childish ways. Who wants to sleep with their mom?
16. Does my partner have my back?
Do you feel like you’re a part of a loyal team who stands up for one another, supports one another, and shows a united front (even when the other is not around)?
Or, do you feel like you’re constantly being thrown under the bus by your mate?
17. Are we looking in the same direction?
Some couples avoid having the big talks (religion, marriage, babies) because they think that, somehow, these things will just “work themselves out.”
By the time they realize they won’t, they’re in a complicated, painful situation that leaves one (or both) feeling a little bit duped.
18. Are we growing together?
Being a human being living on this earth, we all have a right to grow and develop, and create a full life for ourselves.
Are you and your partner still indulging in your passions (individual and shared) and growing as individuals?
19. Am I still me?
Being in love with someone should not require changing our identity to fit someone else’s idea of who we should be, on any level.
20. What is my gut telling me?
You have intuition for a reason. Listen to yourself.

Keep it Whatsup' 254

Seven Things Madly-in-love Couples Do to Stay That Way

Keeping love alive

You’ve probably met some of them: Couples who have been together for years—maybe even decades—and are still madly in love with each other.
Perhaps it shows in the way they look at each other, or in the subtle ways they stay connected by touch, or in the kindnesses they show each other. However it is revealed, their passionate bond is unmistakable. Long after the first blush of infatuation and young love has faded, these two people not only love each other, they’re delighted to be in each other’s company.
What do couples do to stay in love through the years? While nothing in life is guaranteed, here are seven daily choices you can make to increase your odds of joining the ranks of those delightfully happy couples:
1. Listen
Listening to your partner reaps benefits in every area of your life together. When you listen, you’ll learn things that will help you love the other person more deeply. You’ll catch a glimpse of your partner’s hopes and dreams, hurts and fears. You’ll hear about things you do that make your partner want to withdraw. You’ll discover ideas and thoughts previously unknown to you. If you’re not in the habit of listening—really listening—you’ll miss all these things and more.
2. Value each other
When you value someone, you won’t want to belittle or tear down that person. You’ll also be less inclined to take that person for granted. And you definitely won’t be careless with his or her heart. When you truly value someone, you’ll see and appreciate what that person brings into your life on a daily basis. Even better, you will find ways to communicate that appreciation every chance you get.
3. Forgive
No matter how deeply in love, two human beings are bound to hurt each other with thoughtless words, selfish actions, or inconsiderate neglect. Forgiving each other for those hurtful acts is the cornerstone of any lasting, harmonious relationship. Without forgiveness, slights and offenses accumulate like boulders on a highway. Devote yourself to clearing obstructions in your relationship through forgiveness.
4. Laugh together
Laughing reduces stress, improves communication, gets past facades, and releases feel-good hormones in the brain. It creates great memories, helps grudges fade, and knits hearts together. Maybe your partner is always cracking you up. Or maybe neither one of you is all that funny, but you both laugh-until-you-cry at the same movies. Wherever you find it, laughter is good for love.
5. Be kind
When it comes to keeping love alive, kindness is essential. For one thing, it breeds appreciation. It also builds trust. It’s hard to stay in love with someone around whom you walk on eggshells because you never know when the next criticism or putdown is coming. In this manner, kindness is the antithesis of abuse and mistreatment.
6. Flirt
Flirting helped you fall in love, and it can help you stay in love. And don’t just flirt with your words—some of the flirtiest things can be said best with body language. Flirting says to your partner, “I’m still attracted to you and still crazy about you!”
7. Protect
Couples stay in love because they value the love they have. That means they do whatever is necessary to defend and safeguard their relationship. All kinds of unwise behaviors–addictions, affairs, lying, misplaced priorities—can jeopardize your unity and undermine your intimacy. That’s why it’s critical to be intentional about protecting what you have together.

Falling in love is one thing. Staying in love is another thing altogether. Practice these strategies on a daily basis, and you’ll definitely increase your odds of staying in love for the long run.

Keep it Whatsup' 254